Last post was depressing...
this post is worse.
My dad came in my room a few minutes ago and told me calmly,
'I'm leaving and never coming back.'

I can't even... I...

I'm totally exhausted by the piles of coursework and exam prepartions that have suddenly been presented to me. I've only been back a week!

So I've used the stress as an excuse for my latest bitterness! Whenever I see my ex, even on Facebook, I feel an over whelming sadness - longing - and surging anger! Reason being, I've been so damn lonely! That's why I'm so angry at myself to want my ex back! No, I don't like him like I used to... it's just that guilty sadness over lack of male intimate attention. Am I desperate? Am I cruel? I can't quite figure myself out yet. Except for one thing: I sound/feel totally stupid. To the point of repeatedly banging my head against a wall. I haven't spoken to my ex for quite a while, and now...
Why?
Sometimes I wonder if I still do like him and maybe I'm just not seeing things clearly. He hurt me, but I don't want to change a single second of our time together, ya know?

I don't sound like myself. I don't admit to my feelings and I often hide them from everyone and even myself. Dude, it feels pathetic of me to even openly express these feelings over the internet!! Letting it out, though, feels a little better. And so I'll end my post on the brighter side of life.
My grades are good. So all the studying certainly pays off.

I'm working on a Kobato sketch! So far so good, and so I'm hoping nothing will go wrong. Ha, it always seems to at the end!

FOUR MONTHS LEFT!! Aw yissss.

Don't have too much to drink now!

I've been thinking less of TRC since it ended last month. Thinking more about life.

My mother is bent on reminding me that she's sick of seeing me in my bedroom, watching TV, being on the laptop and stuff. I don't exactly want to admit to her that my friends would rather be with their boyfriends, girlfriends, other group of friends and I've none of those. So, I've no one to escape my bedroom with. My mother suggests that 'I should find other friends too'. I'm in my last year of high school! Everyone is already too cosy with their own group of friends to let me in. I'd much rather wait until I enter college and met people who share my interests too from different schools. But what to do for the next year before college? Spend pretty much every day locking myself in my bedroom? No, I'd rather not spend my teen life wasting away in a small room.

It's a sad cycle. This is exactly what happened last year in the Christmas holidays. Lonely, lonely, lonely! I try to make the effort of getting in touch with friends but in the end a huge cock up occurs resulting in a day's worth of plans down the drain.

My parents are once again on the verge of seperation. It happened last Christmas, I should've seen it coming.

What's kept me going to talking to Luke, sketching to improve my artistic skills so at least my spare time isn't entirely wasted and just zoning out with DVDs and Professor Layton. God, I love that top-hatted dude!

So! I'll upload my sketches when my phone decides to work again.

Hoping Sakura is well and having a better time than me. ~♥!

it's a little early, but I will be posting a new Sakura and Syaoran picture that I've been working on for a few days. Seriously, I'm getting slow! it's taking hours to draw one head! But, boy, is it looking better than my previous works!

Merry christmas if I don't meet my strict deadline. Sakura, sorry I haven't been on the forums with you, Ryo-chan, CVI and Ereetria. I get distracted VERY easily, lately. Dang!

I wish you all a merry Christmas, and please keep well. ~♥!

Bethhy started 2 days before Sakura's birthday, then a load of shit happened so I was distracted (I apologise for a belated gift).
But one night, for 4 long hours with the English rain and TV programmes (RED DWARF!) in the background, Bethhy decided to work on Sakura's gift.

And so, I present, a verily smexy picture of Fai!
(My scanner is broken, my camera phone makes it blurry and Paint.net ffixed it up as much as it could. I'm sorry for its crappiness!)
;o;



Hope you had an awesome day! Love you lots, twin-chan!!
~♥!

Ya-ho!

Looking forward to my 16th! Nothing planned except for getting a laptop and being smothered with attention. Goody~
Ahaha!
Seriously, don't mind attention, presents, money or the like. I just don't feel 16 at all. It's too fast, life. Slow down! xD

College open days and English exams next week. The real thing! I've been revising none stop lately. Hopefully will get an A. And the college open days just seem so scary! It'll be like starting high school all over again! D:

I'm too young still! xDD

I won't be on for a while. This includes LJ, FF and OMF.

Sorry.

-x-

Yeah, I've watched all episodes of Romeo x Juliet and I've fallen for their sweet moments of when this couple were together.
But the ending was horrifying. Shocking. Shockling awful. I hoped for a good weep. But, no, at the end there was a huge magical tree that had 'accidentally' killed Romeo and Juliet had a 5 second cry about it. Then the mood was spoilt when she was speaking about he magical tree again. To capture a good, hard, tear-jerker the person who had just lost their love should express their anguish so the audience can also feel their pain and want to cry along with them. I had cried at first but my eyes had quickly dried up again.
The moments were sweet and lovely but everything else just plainly sucked.
And as soon as it ended, a sign came up saying:

'Romeo x Juliet
Fine'

...I'm pretty sure it's spelt 'fin', dear writers.
I guess this is my punishment for watching the english dub first instead of the japanese one.
EDIT: I stand corrected. The japanese version sounded exactly the same.
GRR!! I was planning a good weep!! I'd watch 'Ghost' but it's already quarter to one!
I'm just going to watch my favourite parts again and forget the magical tree and the magical crazy tree lady ever happened.

I don't usually watch animes unless its CLAMP related and I only read shoujo mangas but this anime just sort of called out to me.
Romeo x Juliet is awesome so far. The opening song is so lovely, almost heart-breaking! I can tell I will cry by the end of this series. Not just a few tears but buckets of tears like when I first read the Tokyo arc in TRC.

I've only watched 2 and a half (in the middle of the third one now) and I've already fallen for this series.
Juliet and Romeo are so sweet! When they were together (so far they've only emt up twice) it was unbelievably adorable. And when they're away from each other, it's either heart breaking or cute! It's so sweet of how Romeo speaks about Juliet - his character is just impossible to dislike!
...but when Juliet is cross dressing, I find it a little strange. Ohohoho~♥!

...OK! Now I'm on the 13th episode and this is truly an upsetting series!! The couple seems just so in love but the fact that their families forbid them is just so sad!!
And the worse thing is, since I know this goes by Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet (kinda) it's not exactly going to be a happy ending where they elope together...

Day off school today - nasty chest infection.
This really sucks!! I can't laugh without my chest throbbing in pain. It's like someone shoved sand paper down my throat and everytime I cough they rub frantically together! Doesn't that sound pleasant?

I'm a bit worried about staying off school today because this is an important year. If I miss anything important today, it'll be Hell trying to catch up. But my brother, as he's my legal guardian right now, says that I should stay off if I can't make it to school. He's right, I know, because what's the point in going to school if you're too ill to concentrate in lessons? It's kinda hard on the computer because the screen makes my head dizzy.

I'll get better soon since I have lots of water and medicine to assist me and I can actually get some sleep today. Yesterday was certainly tormenting. The morning was when the first few signs of the infection came but in the afternoon, I was so tired. My eyes were yearning for sleep. And I was so frustrated because a few of my friends were supposed to be coming over afterwards. They did in the end but they sensed how tired I was and kindly left early. (Have I said how much I love them?)

The night was the worst. My brother and I are the only ones to look after the house at night so I had to do my duties before I go to bed. I can be unbelievably determined at times. It was only 8pm too! But I had a lovely 10 hours sleep! Woke up an hour ago and I'm still sleepy. The dream I had was strange. At first I was fighting all these bad guys (after watching Don't Mess With The Zohan) then there was this random stream of Tsubasa pictures and Cardcaptor Sakura clips made up of my own imagination. Strange. When I was about to watch a cute CCS video, I woke up. Very irritated after that.

I apologise in advance since this is a longer post than usual but I had to vent. Brother is at college and I'm alne in the house, blanket round me and there is no one but myself to speak to. Livejournal helps.

I know, the name sucks, but now I've finished my coursework, my latest fanfic is steadily drawing to a close. Here's a preview of what yo'll be reading:

 

( Fanfic Preview )

Thanks Sakura. It's much easier than I expected. xD

The deadline for the cannabis coursework is tomorrow. I hope it's good enough! And as soon as I've finish the conclusion, I'm going straight back to my fanfics!!
I still need to finish that lemon and my reviewers at FF are waiting for more fluffy fanfics of Syaoran and Sakura. I honestly had forgotten I had an FF until I read my emails with all the reviews. I really appreciate all of them!! Thank you!!

I'll be posting my lemon here on LJ because I don't think my FF account is the best of places since the ones I wrote are usually K+ or T rated. So, my M rated fanfics will be posted on here. Lovely!!

I should get back to my coursework or it'll end up neglected like last time. Ohohoho~♥!!
I'll try my very best!!

You like Fai, am I right, m'love? :3
I drawn these a long time ago!! But they're for you since no one I know where I live appreciates manga so I hope you like them. ^^

I have time to write before watching the UK's X Factor!  (The half-naked ripped man had caught my attention in the preview~♥) Ohohoho!!

I'm still pretty upset from the latest TRC chapter. Sakura and Syaoran seemed to have disappeared. For good, this time. Well, I naturally assume things. That's what I tend to do sometimes. So I'm hoping it's not for good.
There's still teh real Syaoran and Sakura, I know. But the clones are the first couple in this manga that I truly fell in love with. These two are like replacements, it doesn't feel right for me. But still, I do hope for a happy ending for them. Fai, Kurogane and Mokona too, of course.

But I'm quite spectacular today, despite the odd grogginess. Less than 2 months until my 16th holiday... on friday 13th. Isn't that wonderful? I'm hoping for a laptop from the parents and a few friends are going to buy a few TRC volumes for me. They're so sweet! I love my family and friends ever so much.

I'd love my mother even more if she didn't shout at me for staining the carpet this morning.
(For the ladies only ~ I hate first days!)

For no reason what so ever, I feel so romantic.
Since my boyfriend broke up with me (over text, because he said 'he couldn't stand to face me and break up with me') I haven't really been looking. So far, school work and TRC seems to be racking my mind. But not today. I guess it's because I'm mellowed out and there's nothing on except MJ tributes on TV.
I guess it's because I've been reading the famous Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. It's not that bad, since I only concentrate on the romance, but Bella doesn't seem to like Edward for who he is but rather that he is so mind-blowingly goregous. It's a relationship, but is it a good one?
So I compared it with Sakura and Syaoran. They've known each other for years (on Syaoran's end) and not once have they commented on how they look through thoughts or have they blushed because their smile is too 'dazzling'. For the execption of Outo, where Saura and Syaoran dressed up nice for the Cat's Eye, there is no doubt that they hadn't noticed how charming they looked, but for Bella and Edward's case, they are constantly distracted by their looks, smell, movements, laughter...
Sakura had to get to know Syaoran in order to trust him fully when travelling and Syaoran grew to love Sakura's kind and gentle personality because he had not experienced affection as a small child.

Those facts are the reason why Sakura and Syaoran are so perfect for each other! I may be biased, but I make a fair point. xD

That's all I've been doing today.
High school was so boring, I was reduced to tears at one point. (not really... but, you know, I could've been).
Then I heard about TRC's deadline, and that was like a falcon punch to the face.
And then a close friend of mine decided to send me one of those child abuse videos about a little girl who was 2 years old and was beaten to death by her step dad. To be honest, that didn't set m off.
This did:

A little boy called Ryan was a happy little 4 year old. He had a sister called Donna who was 14 years old.
One day, their dad went up to Donna and said 'I'm sorry but I'm going to kill Ryan' and plunged a knife into her 20 times. As she staggered out the house in agony, she was too late to send help for her brother who was stabbed to death by his father.
After his random murder, he sent off down to the pub for a pint.

I'm sorry, but that man does not deserve to have 'father' as a title. What the hell went through that mental mind of his!?
It made me cry and so full of rage, it honestly did!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpYvy_eI_38

What a tearful day! I certainly hope this isn't a bad sign.

Devasting news.
TRC ends in under two weeks!!

Sure, I knew TRC is ending this year, but compared to the events in the latest chapter, I had no idea that it would be nearing an end so soon. There will be so much to explain in only two chapters. I'll be happy since there will be colour pages and, of course, fanservice will be nessacary for final chapters, but c'mon, CLAMP. C'mon!!


After the manga, all there will be left of TRC are the OVAs and slight hints from the remaining xxxHolic chapters.
Doesn't seem like an epilogue chapter will be possible at this point. But I'll definitely keep my eye out for any other TRC updates!!

I haven't given up hope yet!

I'm counting down the remaining weeks. Hm, so far... 30!

What a boring day at high school. I think I could have dropped off to sleep during Maths, ICT and Religious Studies. Even English made me sleepy! And I like that subject!
And the most hated subject was actually fun! Who'd a thunk it? Science was actually the best part of the day. The lesson part was just plain and boring, but since I got moved from my original table, I sit next to this really funny guy and we just laughed throughout! So I must thank him for lifting my spirits!

But the amount of coursework and homework I've been set today is unbelieveable. I planned to go out today but I was dragged in by my homework. That's all I must complain about. To be honest, I'll be glad to get it out of the way rather than leave it until the last minute like I used to.

Sakura... Syaoran... you must be glad that you're not bombarded with work like this. Ehehe~

And so, must continue with my Citizenship coursework. Can't say writing a report about cannabis is exciting but have to work hard. After all, it's worth 20% of my overall GSCE mark. I just love my last year of high school!